Fashion Police

when i was younger, and if i'm being honest still today, my dream job was a hybrid between oprah and joan rivers. i wanted the familiarity and affection (not to mention the daily time slot) of O mixed with the quick wit and unwavering confidence of rivers. when E! was looking to replace the icon on fashion police, i thought that my deep love of fashion and compulsive inclination to judge people, made me the natural choice. of course, they went with kathy griffin, who killed the show, so i think we can all now freely admit they made a big mistake. huge! 

for most normal individuals, christmas is the most wonderful time of the year, but my happy place is award season. i love when it becomes socially acceptable to snark on the most beautiful people on earth. so if you will indulge a little childhood fantasy, for a moment, and let me pretend i have any authority regarding best and worst dressed of the biggest award show of the year.

best dressed: 

1 / 2 / 3 / 4

this year's red carpet looked like a scene from black swan. the two trends taking center stage were nude and sequined ethereal gowns vs. bold metallic or monochromatic forfeiting frocks. both were executed to perfection. while i wish kidman's bow was slightly smaller, and saoirse ronana's bodice had been more tailored, these women crushed it last night. 

winner:

margot robbie

margot robbie is perfection personified. i adore everything about this look; the silky waves, the subtle off the shoulder, the perfect tailoring. this is what chanel couture looks like and is why it's my favorite look in years.  

worst dressed: 

1 / 2 / 3

generally this is my favorite category. remember the good old days when someone would show up as a swan and we all got to laugh about it for weeks? but, for the most part, there weren't too many visual assaults, but a few offenders really missed the mark. 

i'm just going to say a really unpopular opinion, i hate lindsey vonn. i think she's completely overhyped, and annoyingly accident prone, and this outfit just really pissed me off. how is it possible to look this bad when you're an athlete for a living and have a team of people getting you ready?

 jane the virgin needs to learn to not buy things for their size, because girlfriend looked like she was fifteen seconds from collapsing.
it pains me to put emma stone on this list, i know what she was going for, and if it had been executed well it could have been a real moment, like her previous golden globes look (or alexis bledel at the globes this year). but the proportions of this were way off, the pants didn't go with the jacket, and the enable ended up looking under dressed for the occasion. 

loser:

salma hayek

i don't know what happened here. 

worst guest:

jennifer lawrence

i have a lot of opinions re: jlaw. (her middle name should be overexposed). but perhaps my largest gripe with her is her constant lack of reverence. i know her whole schtick is being the "everywoman" but there is a time and a place for your drunk alter ego and it is not in the same room as christopher plumber and meryl streep. show some respect and grow up.

ugh it's a long nine months until the emmy's...