Friday, February 8, 2019

Royal Rift

if you follow me on instagram you're aware of my deep royal devotion. i've received several inquiries reagarding my opinion on the much publicized "feud" brewing between the quadruplets the media has coined the "fab four" (i could write a soliloquy on just that idiotic moniker) and as i promised a few weeks ago, i thought it best to share them here. there has been such an influx of media attention regarding the relationship between kate and meghan it can be difficult to distinguish fact from fiction. first, i should say i follow a great number of highly accredited royal reporters, as opposed to simply fan accounts, which is where i gather most of my royal information. but i will admit that all opinions here are mere speculation. 

do i believe the k & m are close, or even consider each other friends? no. these women could not be more different if they tried. one was raised in aristocratic circles, waded in the royal waters during a nine year courtship, and has assimilated effortlessly into her role as a duchess. the other was a lesser known divorced actress, raised in california, and who has made it her mission to modernize the monarchy. their perspective and life experiences are vastly divergent. the only thing they have in common is they married two men in the same family, which has placed them in a similar position. the foundation for a deep bond simply isn't there. 

and while i do believe that reposts of the rift are greatly exaggerated, i am inclined to believe where there's smoke, there's always at least a little fire. it's becoming harder and harder not to believe meghan has a difficult streak. the mass exodus of staff rivals that of trump's white house. with reports of mistreatment of members of kate's team, tear filled bridesmaids fittings, and the move to windsor, it's difficult to know just where the truth lies. i believe that because of their vastly different approach, partially culturally (the reserved brit vs the pushy american), and partially personality (one shy vs one outgoing), will, and probably has, led to a few tense interactions. though, i don't entirely concede that meghan is callous enough to make a postpartum kate cry. i think ultimately they just aren't that close and that is the body language we all read.

where i, personally, believe the fire lies is between the brothers. the most credible, and likely, article i've read said that the tension is actually stemming from the william and harry. i noted on my instagram awhile back about the division of the houses and noted that I thought this signaled a rift. from the report I saw, apparently william voiced his concerns over h and m's whirlwind romance and asked harry if he was confident in meghan's motives since she hadn't properly been vetted. this allegedly infuriated harry (lest we not forget this is the same man who threw a tantrum during wedding prep and tiara mayhem, shouting "what meghan wants, meghan gets"). clearly hare-bear is extremely protective of his new bride, which is endearing but i can't help but side with william in his inclination to want to protect his brother and the rest of his family. 

if we think back to the christmas day pr walk pictured round the world, you'll notice kate and meghan's strong attempt to prove the strength of their relationship, but also how the brothers appear worlds apart. ultimately, if this is the case, it's the saddest explanation because of the deep bond their shared their entire life. only time will tell...

Monday, October 15, 2018

Oh baby

oh don't mind me, i'm over here just eating a deliciously large plate of jennifer fisher salted crow. after years of a perfect royal (prediction) record, i was ejected from my thrown when news hit early this morning that the duchess of sussex was with child. i've been pretty definitive in my opinion that baby s would come quickly, but that the announcement would likely hit after the new year (because what kind of mental patient would willingly embark on an eleven day tour- with a staggering 76 engagement schedule- while knocked up?). but, gulp, i was wrong. our geriatric duchess wasted no time filling her womb. which i totally get given her advanced age (i'm only kind of kidding) but am genuinely concerned for the marathon that lay ahead of her. 

it also explains so much; those strategically placed binders yesterday, the casually unbuttoned coat on friday, the inches of makeup she's caked on. while i'm grateful we can now conclude bump watch, because that was infuriating at best, i wish poor eugenie got a few more days to shine. apparently meg was sharing baby news at the wedding which i find completely uncool and lame. but accept that it would be virtually impossible to hide on this tour between the alcohol and the wardrobe changes. i'm also curious to see how she will handle the second and third leg of the tour visiting fiji etc which are zika locations. 

in all sincerity, it's lovely news. i also cannot wait to see how meghan interprets maternity fashion. they will be phenomenal parents.  

i predict a girl to come early spring, but my confidence is deeply shaken so take that with a salt lick sized grain of salt. 

Wednesday, September 26, 2018

Shop to It

it's the most wonderful time of the year...fear not the starbucks red cup controversy is still several months in the future but the enthusiasm most reserve for tartan tree skirts and evergreen aroma is the jolt of excitement i feel when i receive the shopbop "early access" email. there are few sales that get my heart beating at a rate that would put a hummingbird to shame and the shopbop semi annual site wide promotion is one of them. below are all the items that made my list, use code stockup18 for 20% you order or 25% your order of $500 or more. 

items i have/recommend
-my favorite jeans
-my best buy of the past two months t-shirt (also available in long sleeves)
-a LBD with a twist 
-the most comfortable sweats
-the sneakers everyone needs

items i need
-as a self appointed coat hoarder, i technically don't need a single thing, but i am lacking a solid statement coat and this or this may fill that void
-the pajamas i've added to cart 57 times and on which i still haven't pulled the trigger
-the dress i can't get out of my head 
-the perfect black pants
-the most gorgeous fair isle sweater
-a great transition dress 

trends in which to invest
-polka dots: this tank or the ultimate fall dress
-cardigans: wear this solo or this oversized one with a tank
-relaxed jeans: levi's and more levi's 

wardrobe staples
-the perfect multifunction piece
-the blazer of my dreams

under $100

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Tuesday, September 25, 2018

The Kate Effect

at birth i was bestowed the honor of having four names (five initials). when my father happily shared the news of the good fortune of a healthy baby girl, with a larger than life moniker, the overwhelming response from friends was "what do you think she's a princess or something?". i believe i can trace my royal obsession back to that moment. it's fair to say most little girls appreciate the pomp and circumstance of one particularly inbred family's lineage. which is why millions woke up at ungodly hours to witness the nuptials of two people they'll never meet. it's magic. it's mythology come to life. 

while most normal people appreciated that glorious moment for the tradition in which it was intended and managed to carry on with their lives, a select few of us just cannot let it go. which is why i have expended far too much valuable brain space on the tiniest royal minutiae. 

since it's been several months since my last diatribe, i have many many thoughts to share. you can rest easy knowing i will keep you abrest of all of my outfit analysis in real time on instagram. and while we do have a great deal of catchup to cover (in due time, i promise) today i'm choosing to focus on an egregious offense committed this weekend and how i believe it to be a symptom of what i fear to be a pathological issue. 

this weekend four out of five cambridges attended the wedding of a close friend of kate and will's. george and charlotte continued their national tour as pageboy and bridesmaid, respectively. but what kate wore shook me to my core. long gone are the days of architectural fascinators and sleek blazers, and in are the days of kiosk jewelry and retirement home hatbands. 

i would like to preface my tirade by saying that i absolutely adore kate middleton. i struggled with the natural jealousy during their courtship for that fact that she had snagged such a prize piece, but the instant she stepped out with that fist sized sapphire on her left ring finger i was #teamkate all the way. i'm ride or die in a way that no real housewife will ever understand. but for the past year/year and a half i have been having major pause re: several of her style choices. 

i could see hints as far back as the india tour, in 2016, of the missteps that were to come. the most noteworthy grievances being this and this   

my biggest concern is that she has gone full "mom mode" now; boxy blazers  longer hems  thick curls  at this point it's racy to see her clavical. as a traditionalist myself, i always appreciate appropriate and conservative dress. kate is extremely reverent to her position and that is one of her qualities i appreciate and respect most. but i fear that with the obvious comparison to the shiny new royal, kate is going to be come the matronly step child. where meghan is just beginning the journey, kate has mastered proper etiquette and decorum, but after birthing three i'm concerned she has stepped a toe over the line of frumpy (like this assault on my vision) . she's much more of a wildcard as of late, and where meghan is concerning regarding what's appropriate, kate's the opposite end of the spectrum. how can two women, the same age, be so strikingly different? in this media produced rivalry, my loyalties will always be with kate which is why it's so painful to witness this devation from the style icon we had all come to know and love. 

it's important to note, i love when she takes risks and the majority of my disappointments come from when she plays it safe. way safe  and even in cases when the gambles aren't my personal style, i can usually acknowledge the gumption behind the change. (like this gown  while it's not my personal favorite of mine- i find the fabric better left to geriatric living room settees, i can applaud the effort). they always say "sometimes the beauty is in the attempt".

i found the third pregnancy to be particularly challenging for the duchess. never having been pregnant myself, i'm not sure what hormones do to the rational thought process but whoever allowed these two gaffs (this and this to transpired is no friend of hers. but now that she's on the cusp of returning to royal duties (and fitting back into pre louis clothing as evidenced by this weekends abomination) i'm hoping to see a turning of the tides and i can only hope this inevitable competition with meg to have a positive effect on her wardrobe. 

Tuesday, September 18, 2018

What I'm Loving

since it's been such a long time since we last enjoyed one another's company, we have a lot to catch on which to catch up. so in the interest of time, here's the headlines and items most occupying my brain space at the minute. 

what i'm watching: 
american horror story: apocalypse.
 i've been a fan of the anthology series since season one, but have only had the intrepidity to complete four out of the previous ten season. of those four, two are my absolute favorite and ryan murphy has heard my prayers by opting to write a collaboration between season 1 (murder house) and season 3 (coven). not only is he reprising some of the most popular characters and storylines, he's added a dash of nuclear holocaust for good measure. last wednesday's premiere was hands down the best one of the series; comprised of just enough humor and horror to make me ravenous for more.

what i'm recommending: 
 i'm such a lemming for anything gwyneth paltrow shills, the woman could recommend ingesting a tapeworm and i would probably run right out to whatever specialty store carried them and swallow with a giant bottle of evian. thanks to this subliminal inclination of mine i have to be extra wary of making purchases just because they have the goop logo emblazoned on it. but after seeing countless beauty blogger guru's shout this masks praises from their topiary covered rooftops i knew i had to give it a try. as a cosmetic loyalist, i'm very attached to the items in my repertoire, but after seeing the result of this mask, it has solidified itself as one of my staples. it's like having the pregnancy glow without the pesky weight gain and hormonal fluctuations.

who i'm loving: 
noah centineo: 
unless you’ve been in a medically induced coma for the past month, you’ve probably heard of the crush heard round the world. in mid august centineo made he’s breakout appearance in the netflix adaptation of the popular tween novel “to all the boys i’ve loved before” and two weeks ago he dropped another stellar (read: smoking hot) performance in sierra burgess is a loser. is it slightly alarming that a woman a breath away from her third decade on earth is lusting after a 22 year old, perhaps, but you watch these movies and try not to fall in love.

what i'm reading:
a previous reese witherspoon book club selection, and soon to be a motion picture produced by the star, gail honeyman’s book is both hilarious and heartbreaking, following a socially awkward 30 something as she finally begins to immerse herself in the world in which she has previously only survived. 

what i'm lusting over:
in case you needed more evidence that every fashion trend from the 90s and early 2000s is getting a resurgence, Dior has opted to bring back one of its iconic pieces. first introduced during john galliano’s reign at the fashion house, and made popular by every it girl at the time (think paris hilton and sjp), the brand reintroduced the newly improved bag during their fall 2018 shows and is available nationwide. it just made the top of my wishlist.

what i'm annoyed by: 
in case you didn’t catch my rather outspoken opinions of yet another whirlwind engagement, i’m not here for this union. unlike the other two couples (pete davidson & arianna grande and justin bieber and hailey baldwin) priyanka is way too old to be acting this foolish and impulsively. (honey, we know you were dying being upstaged by your former d-list bff marrying a literal prince, but this is not the way to make yourself relevant again, but i digress.) and just as my annoyance with their gluttony for attention was dying down, they choose to copy her besties engagement photo pose. not cool girl, not cool at all.

Sunday, September 9, 2018

Getting to Know You

hello dear friends, it's been a minute. i hope you all savored the fleeting days of summer and are beginning to emerge from your post labor day funk, as i am attempting to do. like most of the east coast, we traded triple digit temperatures for our first crisp autumn chill over the weekend, and while i intend to do my very best to make these tan lines last until halloween, i find myself loving the subtle transition into autumn. since fall has always represented a sort of fresh start i could think of no better time to stage a comeback. since it's been a rather extended hiatus, i thought a fun q&a might be appropriate to get reacquainted. i've been compiling lengthily lists of all the trends and snarky comments i've been dying to share with my limited, by loyal, audience. so stay tuned for countless goodies, dear ones. 

in the mean time, one of my favorite instagram accounts is "quickklist" which asks emerging d-list talent (third tier bravolebrities and the like) their basic questionnaire. and since, i myself, am an aspiring diff eyewear sponsor (please note that phase is infused with ample sarcasm) i thought it might be fun to share how i would respond to best bring you up to speed with my interests at the moment. 

book: current read: eleanor oliphant is completely fine, best of the year: sometimes i lie
movie: anything by nancy meyers
tv show: still drowning in real housewives of nyc drama 
wine: whispering angel (original right)
restaurant: bergdorf goodman cafe for brunch la guelue for dinner
product i can't live without: glossier mint balm dot com
instagram to follow: elizabeth chambers. hands down.
iphone app: instagram, twitter and nike running
shopping: ralph lauren, shopbop, zara, j.crew
cocktail: dirty gin martini or g&t
vacation spot: never turn down a weekend in the hamptons
beauty product: clarions radiance golden glow booster (read more here)
nail polish: essie hi maintenance or clambake
workout song on my playlist: drew barrymore by bryce vine

until next time!

Monday, May 21, 2018

Royally Obsessed

when you're on the precipice of entering your third decade on earth, you come to accept a number of truths; aches and pains are a part of a new reality, facial expressions create peculiar crevasses on your forehead, and hangovers have a convenient way of lasting two whole days. this monday i am battling a unique form of illness known as the royal wedding hangover. still struggling from my sleep deprivation from waking before even the garbage men descend onto the streets of manhattan, i am bursting with the overwhelming desire to dissect every minute detail of saturday's festivies, and plagued with the melancholy one faces when the show you have just binge watched ultimately comes to an end. but since we're optimists here lets focus of the dish and chat about meg and harry's day. brace yourself, i've got a lot of opinions. 

it's no secret that i've been ambivalent about my feelings for the newly minted duchess of sussex. sometimes i get the feeling she is imagining she's acting in a lifetime movie about a commoner who falls for a dashing prince, rather than showing her genuine personality (and for the love of god please stop holding harry's hand on public appearances). but, for the most part, i've come around, mainly due to her generous nature and her unwavering independent confidence. the week leading up to her nuptials had to have been a trying time for markle, with her half siblings and father determined to show the world the very best of american culture, she was the picture of composure and strength as she drove with her darling mother, in the queen's vintage rolls-royce, to st george's chapel. you will never convince me that her father actually had a heart attack (the man was seen the following day at KFC) but i can't blame her for opting to uninvite him after his scandal broke. her ultimate decision, to walk the first part of the procession solo (excluding the painfully precious bridesmaids and pageboys) and then to have her now father-in-law escort her to her prince, was the perfect solution. while i know many think her mother, who is her closest confidant and role model, should have had the honor, i'm glad she adhered to emily post approved etiquette that the MOB does not "give away" the bride. 

but meghan wasn't afraid to push the envelope when it came to the ceremony. she opted to pay homage to her heritage by selecting an unconventional, boisterous bishop to provide a sermon, and tapping a gospel choir to sing ben e. king's hit "stand by me". i know this will be an unpopular opinion, and i recognize that the current trend is to showcase elements of the couples personality during the wedding, but i'm a traditionalist and found both breeches of protocol out of place at a royal wedding. the bishop was ready to execute his fifteen minutes of fame to the fullest (rumor was he was  asked to keep his remarks short and sweet) but we lost our way rather quickly and needed more than bread crumbs to find our way back to the initial message of love. while the rogue preacher was great for some laughs, thanks to the faces of confusion amongst the congregation, i found myself praying for the boys choir to sing him off like they do during the oscars. and in a similar vein, the kingdom choir's rendition of night's classic would have been better suited (no pun intended) for the reception. having said all that, it's so refreshing to see someone so confident and unapologetic in who they are. i look forward to watching her continue to modernize the monarchy. 

but aside from those minor hiccups, coupled with one stubborn stray piece of hair, the day was perfection. have you ever seen a more glorious hedgerow? the billowing arrangements, that were created by philippa craddock, included white foxgloves, white stocks, flowering birch, beech, hornbeam, and blue delphiniums. after the ceremony concluded, they were deconstructed and rearranged and delivered to hospice patients at st. joseph's. (the interior flowers were left for a wedding later this week- what a lucky bride!). they were the perfect compliment to her hand picked, by harry, bouquet from their private garden full of diana's favorite flower, lily of the valley. 

but the biggest statement of the entire day were the dress(es). markle shocked the entire world when she stepped out wearing british designer clare waight-keller for the famed french haute couture house givenchy. the two worked very closely together to bring markle's vision to life, under such secrecy that five people total knew about the dress (the designer even managed to keep it a secret from her husband and children). based on markle's style i had no doubt the dress would be composed of simple, clean lines, lack embellishments, and have a modern twist (can you say "nailed it"). the deep boatneck was current and youthful, while the classic silhouette is timeless. the simplicity of the look allowed for elements, such as the intricately embroidered veil (with deep symbolism, showcasing flowers from all 53 countries in the commonwealth, as well as the flower wintersweet which grows on the grounds of kensington palace, and a poppy to represent california) as well as the glistening tiara from queen mary to really shine. but the biggest statement came for the evening reception. markle famously said that carolyn bessette's bridal look was her definition of "goals". so i knew she would go for a more form fitting, flowy dress for the black tie component of the day. meghan and harry stepped out in their respective wardrobe changes, her in a bespoke stella mccartney high neck sheeth gown, pale blue soled aquazzura pumps, and the most stunning aquamarine ring gifted from harry curtesy of his late mother princess diana, and he in his tux, to their awaiting steel blue (american) jaguar. while i think the car detail was a slight rip off of will and kate (that harry lovingly adorned with a "just wed" license plate and balloons), everything about this moment was flawless. 

they then drove off to meet their guests, and to dance the night away (starting with my personal favorite "i wanna dance with somebody”). the night was full of surprises; including george clooney manning the tequila bar, a signature cocktail named "when harry met meghan", and a fireworks display.

so, how many years until george ties the knot?

post script,
best dressed wedding guest: 
ceremony: amal clooney
reception: priyank chopra

cutest moment:
princess charlotte enthusiastically waving the couple off 

honorable mention:
kate middleton: she had a baby three weeks ago and she still looked like a rock star